Diary of a MockingJay
by MrsMellark74
Summary: Katniss Everdeen has defied the odds. She had made it through not just one, but two Hunger Games. She has changed Panem for the better. There are no more reapings and no more games. However her world has been flipped upside down. She is now keeping a journal to document her life. Sequel- Guarding Daisies
1. Entry 1

**Entry #1:**

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I was in the 74th Hunger Games. I was in the third Quarter Quell. My fathers dead. Prim is dead. My mother is in 4. Gales in 2. We killed Snow. The Hunger Games are over. I have Peeta.

It's hard to sum up the events in my life. I would need many books to be able to accomplish such a task. However, that's something I don't need. It was difficult enough to write the above statements without all the gruesome images coming back into my mind. I don't want to remember the horrors of the Hunger Games, or the loss of all the people I cared so much about. Why am I alive? Why are they gone. I don't think I will ever understand the reasoning behind the way everything has unfolded. Everything is different now.

I see a therapist twice a week . Everyone suggested that I do. Peeta and I both go. Her name is Feya, she was the one who wanted me to keep this journal. At first I laughed and thought it was such a ridiculous idea, but somehow Peeta convinced me it could be helpful. I am not an easily persuaded person, but with Peeta I'm different. I am mesmerized by the sound of his voice, he has the ability to make me see the positive in every situation. We are both learning to adapt to this new way of life.

I am hunting again, by myself of course. Gale left, without even the integrity to tell me goodbye. I contemplated bringing Peeta along. But that was ruled out as I remember my experiences in the Hunger Games when I tried to hunt with him at my side. He's much to loud. So I go by myself. The woods is one of the few places, I feel calm and at peace. I don't get that feeling much anymore.

Peeta's arms are another place I feel at peace. I always have. It is hard to say what is going on between Peeta and I because I'm not sure myself. He never sleeps at his own home anymore though. He sleeps at mine. Without each other our nightmares would take over. If I wake up from images of dying children or deadly mutts, him arms are there to comfort me. And I do the same for him.

However nothing more then us sleeping in each others arms and terrifying nightmares goes on in my bedroom. Peeta and I are not there, at least not yet. Last night was the first time in months we even kissed. It was spontaneous and unexpected. I had just woken up from a nightmare and was trying to settle back into sleep. My head on Peeta's chest. I could feel his strong hand under my night shirt rubbing up and down my back. It sent chills running through my entire body. I new he must have thought I was sleeping because he placed his lips right on my cheek. As I opened my eyes, they met his and I could tell he was startled I was awake. I then reached up and kissed him gently on the mouth before snuggling back into his warm chest. I felt my heart beating rapidly after our lips had touched, and I new his was to. I could here it. But no words were said after that.

I'm now sitting at the edge of my bed, the day after we had kissed. There were no cameras this time, just genuine feelings between Peeta and I. I felt butterflies in my stomach and a spark as our lips met. I know Peeta loves me, he reminds me all the time, but I never know how to respond. Now I'm sitting on my bed, where he is sleeping, wondering if I love the boy with the bread?


	2. Entry 2

**Entry 2**

I choose not to tell Feya about the kiss between Peeta and I. I imagine Peeta will already do that for me anyways in his appointment. I don't even feel comfortable sharing my feelings towards him with her. It's not that I don't like Feya, its just I find these types of things hard to share with other people. However, I can tell she has been talking to Peeta because she kept bringing him up in my appointment. Questing our relationship.

I eventually open up, telling her many of my feeling towards him. It was difficult explaining to someone where we stand, when I don't even know myself. I was expecting for her to say something corny, like follow your heart or to trust in what your heart is telling you. But I was taken aback by her response. She suggested I showed Peeta my journal. How it would probably do a better job of explaining things then I ever could. Which is true, I'm not good at saying something.

Its been five days since that appointment, and I have not yet shown Peeta my journal. It has also been over a week since we have kissed. I'm not really sure why he is holding back from me. But I miss him, I miss his lips.

It is currently 2:54 in the afternoon, and I am trying to write this before Peeta comes back from the bakery. He usually ends up at the door step at 3:07 everyday. I timed it. I am waiting on the porch for him, like I usually do. It's a little cold out because it's almost December, so I'm strongly considering going inside. But I can't, I love seeing Peeta's face when he spots me on the porch, anticipating his arrival. Its weird, we sound somewhat like an old married couple. But in a funny way, we almost are. We have been through so much more then any other couple in district 12 can even comprehend. Even couples three times our age. Couple? Were we considered a "couple?"

I am contemplating showing Peeta my journal when he gets home. He will see how much I have been thinking about him in only two entrees. But the truth of the matter is, that I need Peeta. Everything about him. His loving words, his strong yet gentile arms, and his ability to make me feel, safe, loved and calm. When I think about what life would be like without Peeta, I stop myself. I don't want to think about that. I need him. I just have to figure out if I love him. My emotions are telling me that I do, but I don't want to admit that I could possibly love somebody. Every time I think I love someone I lose them. Gone forever, they become nothing but a memory. And I refuse to let that happen with Peeta.

It is hard to believe those words came from me. Before Peeta I never would have admitted anything that I just wrote. I was very defensive and despised talking about people with romantic intentions . The only other male contact I had for awhile was Gale, and he was much different then Peeta. Gale had so much rage inside of him. Rage and hatred. Peeta does not. Peeta reminded me life can go on, and things can be okay again. I needed that to help balance out my own hatred I have bottled inside of myself. Peeta once told me that I had no idea the effect I can have on someone. But really the same goes for him. He has no idea that effect he has had on me. How much of my life and perception of this life has changed because of him.

I can see him rounding the block at the top of the street as I am writing this. He is headed for me, with a large brown bag in one hand and something bright orange in the other. I can't tell what it is. But I need to stop writing, Peeta's almost home and I have many decisions to make within the next minute.

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**I hope you guys are enjoying! please comment and tell me what you want to see in the future of these journals ! I love new ideas! :) Thanks for reading!**


	3. Entry 3

**Entry 3**

I have decided today is going to be the day. Today is the day Peeta will finally get to view my journal. So therefore, hopefully in a few hours he will be reading these words. I wanted so desperately to tell these things to Peeta face to face, and have a normal conversation, but normal really isn't our thing. So the plan is to leave my journal on the front porch where Peeta usually finds me waiting for him everyday when he returns from work. Only I won't be there. I plan to take the time to spend in the woods, away from the situation and try to comprehend the upcoming events. And how things may soon be drastically changing.

I came to this conclusion two nights ago. It was the day of my last entry. That day, I watched Peeta return from work. In his arms he carried a brown paper bag and a bouquet of bright orange flowers as he greeted me. As we went inside he told me he stopped at the florist to pick these flowers out just for me. Chills were sent through my body and I wasn't sure how to respond, so I simply smiled. Inside the bag were all of my favorite goodies. Hot chocolate, cheese buns, caramel honey cake and those flaky pastries with the citrus sauce (which he invented just for me). All things Peeta keeps in the bakery under the "Katniss" menu. When I asked why he did all this he simply responded with "Just because." He then leaded in cupping my cheek and gently kissed me and then began to carry on with his day. I was instantly overcome with emotions. How come all these little things had such great effect on me. Why did he, Peeta Mellark cause me to feel the way I do.

When I woke up this morning I found Peeta flying around the room getting ready for work. I watched him button his shirt, leaving the top two buttons undone, attach his name tag to the left side above the small pocket, spray 3 three squirts of cologne, and finally tie his shoes. A double knot of course. I had come to memorize his morning routine. I wonder if he has come to know mine. I was sure he had. As he saw me starring he smiled, and I smiled back. He told me when he got home tonight, that we should "talk". A million thoughts began to run through my head. But I was almost sure I already knew the topic of conversation. However I agreed and he walked swiftly out of the room. But before I could blink, he was back and softly kissing the top of my forehead before taking off again.

It is now 2:37 pm which leaves me with exactly half an hour until Peeta returns from work. I feel some what guilty for leaving him like this, but I know it is for the best. He will read every word of my journal very meticulously, I know we will. Rereading cretin words to make sure he's reading them correctly. I want Peeta to know how much I need him, how much I want him. Its not only the big things, like keeping me alive in a battle to the death, but the little things, like bringing me home bright orange flowers which by the way, remind me of him. I don't want to wonder anymore about what we are, or where are relationship is at. I'm so sick of wondering, I just want to be sure of something for once.

So now I am about to leave for the woods. Peeta will be home soon and reading these very words. Things are changing between us. It has taken us, well mostly me, over three years to come to these conclusions. To realize I don't see Peeta as just a friend, here to keep me at peace. I want him to be so much more then that.

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**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! I would love to here from you! :) Comment anything you would like to see in upcoming entrys! I LOVE new ideas3**


	4. Entry 4

**Entry 4**

I should have seen this coming. I know Peeta better then that. I mean really, what was I expecting. This is the boy who is so genuinely sweet with just the right touch of shyness. He is almost to perfect. But the problem is, what am I supposed to do now? I came home from the woods yesterday, anticipating Peeta dashing to me. Wrapping me into an embrace and kissing my lips softy with his. Telling me all those words he read from my journal, was everything he has ever wanted to hear. I was wrong.

As I stepped into the house, my eyes immediately searched for him. As my eyes found him, I couldn't help but smile. He saw me and began marching my way. As he reached out his arms I was preparing to run into them. But instead he handed me my journal. I think he could sense my confusion, because he instantly began to explain how he found it on the porch, but didn't read anything. He wanted to be sure not to invaded my privacy.

Of course, he's Peeta Mellark. Always doing everything in his power to respect me and treat me in the best ways he knows how. I feel so foolish that I didn't think about this situation before hand. If this was Gale, he would have picked it up without so much of a second thought. I need to learn to realize that not all males behave like Gale. But for awhile he was all I ever knew. So it's different and challenging to try to understand how Peeta works.

Now I'm in a dilemma. How am I supposed to tell Peeta. I clearly can't just leave my journal lying around and expect him to pick it up and read my most private words. That's not Peeta. This means there is only one option left. I have to tell him, I have to personally hand him my journal, filled with my most intimate thoughts and feelings. My feelings for him. This means i"ll be right there, witnessing his face as he realizes I don't want him just as a friend. I want him as a boyfriend, a partner, a lover. And a husband? I don't know how I feel about that last one, but I know Peeta wants to be married, and for him, it seems impossible to deny that. I never wanted to be married, I couldn't picture myself happy with someone, and having the ability to make someone happy and love them unconditionally. However, slowly but surely Peeta Mellark is changing that. It scares me, scares me beyond comprehension. But it's a good kind of scare.

Maybe witnessing him read these things won't be such a dreadful idea. I do love the way his face lights up when he sees me. So I can only imagine his face when he reads these words. I am excited, excited about the fact that I will be able to kiss him, and hug him whenever I want. Peeta will be mine, and I will be his. Now all I have to do, is wait for him to round the block at the top of the street as he comes home from work yet again.

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**THANK YOU FOR READING! I am sorry this one was pretty short, but there just journal entrys so I don't like to make them to long! I will try to have the next one up by early next week! :D make sure to comment on what you would like to see in upcoming chapters 3 I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING!**


	5. Entry 5

**Entry 5**

_I was running through the trees. Passing towards him as fast as I could. He was smiling at me, his blue eyes reflecting ever so perfectly off of the bright afternoon sun. I was excited and I couldn't contain myself. I was running, preparing to jump into his strong embracing arms and kiss him._

_Then he was gone. Mutts diving on top of him taring into his pale flesh. I jolt towards him but I can't get to him. These mutts are much stronger then I am and I can't reach him. I punch and kick, screaming at the top of my lungs. But its know use. A cannon fires, Peeta is dead._

It happened again, a nightmare. But this one was defiantly one of the worst. Peeta was taken away from me, killed. Like that he was gone, just like everyone else. I woke with my heart racing and hot tears streaming down my face. There was a warm, strong body pressed up against mine. I took a large breath of relief because I knew who the body belonged to, verifying that it was only a nightmare. Peeta was slowly rocking my tense body in his arms. I felt his hand brush away my tears and loose strands of hair. He was calming me and reminding me it was only a terrible dream. I felt my heart rate come down, and my muscles began to relax with every word he said, his arms tightened around me. I was beyond grateful for his touch.

This was the moment I was sure I needed Peeta, and wanted him. He was still in his bakers clothes and I could smell the cinnamon and icing radiating off of him. It was a smell I had come to recognize and love. I new this was the moment. As I sat up he smiled at me and tucked the hair behind my ear. Before he even moved his hand from my face, I lunged towards him, placing my lips against his, passionately kissing him. My hands thrown around his neck and intertwining with his messy blonde hair. I felt his arms wrap around my hips pulling me closer. I didn't want this moment to end. I wanted to stay with him. Forever.

As we finally parted, we both beamed with smiles and I could see tears beginning to form in his eyes. Then came the words. Every word I had ever wanted to tell him, came out of my mouth. My feelings, thoughts, and deepest emotions shooting towards him without hesitation. I couldn't stop, every little detail was being said. That is when I saw it, the smile appear across his face and a tear fall from his eye. This smile was unlike any other smile I had ever seen. Peeta was radiating. A face filled with joy and love, I was happy knowing it was myself causing him to smile like that. The tear that fell from his eye, made me smile. We sat in silence for a few seconds, not knowing what to say or do next. He then leaned in placing his forehead gently against mine and intertwining my hand with his. My heart was pounding but I was smiling and so was he. That's when he said it, I mean I guess I should have known, I was just hoping he wouldn't so I wouldn't have to respond, at least not yet. "I love you Katniss."

I didn't know what to say. Thoughts filled my mind but words didn't come out. I think I love Peeta, I just didn't want to admit it. So instead, I kissed him. Cupping his smooth face with my hand and pressing my lips with his. Our lips moving together, his tongue touching mine. I loved this feeling, and was thrilled Peeta was now mine. This was how it happened, this is how I finally told Peeta how I felt. Every feeling about him, was admitted.

As we pulled away from each other again, I placed my forehead back up against his. I inhaled a deep breath, preparing to speak. Smelling that ever so familiar bakers sent. I exhaled and began to speak. "Stay with me." I whispered, then he replied. "Always."

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**Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you guys are enjoying! I would love to here your thoughts on the entires and what you would like to see in the future of this journal! There is much more to come so keep reading! :D I will try to have the next entry up ASAP! ALSO! I am not planning on doing this anytime soon, but I am open to doing Peeta's journal aswell, so let me know what you think! :D**


	6. Entry 6

**Entry 6**

It's strange, I'm not used to these feelings. I know I have felt them before, but its been so long. I find myself smiling for no reason. I find that I am humming when I do simple tasks around the house. There's butterflies in my stomach. I like it. Its been so long since I have felt these things. I am also happy knowing Peeta is the reason.

Its been just over a week since we became "official". I cherish the moments where I run into his arms, or kiss his soft, sweet lips. Everyday Peeta ever so thoughtfully reminds be how much he loves me, telling me with words that sweep me off my feet. However, I still don't give him that response he is so desperately looking for. I know I love Peeta, I just won't admit it. I don't deserve it. I could live a thousands lifetimes and still never deserve this boy. Why do I get to be so happy, while everyone else is gone.

I think about Prim often, but I don't like to discuss her with Peeta, its a sensitive topic. I know we will get there someday, just not yet. He doesn't discuss his family with me anyways. Would Prim be as happy as me if she was still here? Of course she would, I image she would have found the heart of some special boy from the district. She had perfect blue diamond eyes and long wavy blond hair. If her stunning appearance wouldn't win them over, her personality would have. She was compassionate, bubbly, and had a smile that could melt even the coldest heart; much like Peeta. I feel that I don't deserve love, because I was one of the main reasons she will never experience it. I hate myself for that.

Even though I don't like admitting it, my mind often wonders to Gale. Far away in district 2, probably loving another girl. When I was first considering my thoughts for Peeta after returning home, Gale was occupying a large portion of my mind. Would I have ended up with him if he was still here. Would I be embracing, kissing and loving him? However it didn't take very long; very long for Peeta to completely vanish the thoughts of me ever loving Gale. If I was with Gale, my life would have been filled with hatred and a strong despise for everything and anyone connect to the Huger Games. That wouldn't be living. There is know way I would have been able to live my life like that. I would have literally gone insane. I could have never ended up with Gale, epically once I realized how fulfilling life could be with Peeta. And I think that was something Gale new, ever since he first saw me kiss Peeta in the cave during our first games. I didn't love him then, but something inside me was already changing.

Then there is everyone I had a opportunity of meeting because of the games. Cinna was one of my positive memories. Without his guidance, reassuring words and creations of course, I never would have made it. He was able to adapt to me, and the horrific situation I was put in and understand it. I wish he was here, he would have been so helpful. What about Finnick, I know Annie misses him deeply, and their son, who will never know his father, and how brilliant he was; how thankful I am for his actions. What if I was in Annie's situation. What if I had lost Peeta during the rebellion. My mind can't even comprehend what she must be going through. Then there was Rue. As long as I live, I will never forget her sweet youthful face, and her smile that was able to reassure me, though she was only twelve years old. I wish she was still here, to see what Panem has become. I know she would have loved it. I miss her; I miss them.

Finally I think of my father. I imagine us being so close if he was still here. He would have been here to help me battle my emotions through every stage. He would have the perfect thing to say to make me feel calm. Again, just like Peeta does. I know my father would love him, and I wish he could see how much he loves me. I'm sure he'd be able to help me with this whole "I love you" thing. As I was growing up, my mother told me I would be so lucky to find someone as wonderful as my father. I was trilled to know Peeta was the definition of what she was talking about. Almost every positive thing I new about my father, I see in Peeta, along with so much more. I wish my father was here to see him; to see us.

I know soon enough a day will come, were Peeta will say he loves me, and Ill be able to whole heartedly tell him that I love him back. He is very understanding though. He understands everything I have been though and why I am so hesitant, he's been through most of the same things himself. So for now, I am just beyond thankful to have his comforting words and arms, and so ecstatic to call him mine.

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**Thank you for reading! I am so greatful for all my readers! PLEASE let me know your thoughts on this! Let me know what you want to see in upcoming entires, I am thinking about skipping ahead a little bit? Let me know if you want or don't want that!? I HOPE YOU ARE ENJOYING!**


	7. Entry 7

**Entry 7**

Its been six months. Probably the most blissful six months I can remember. Peeta fills each and every one of my days with compassion and love. He never goes a day without reminding me that he loves me, everything about me. My heart and mind are telling me that I am in love with this boy, at least I think they are. But how am I supposed to truly know what love feels like, I have never been in love before. I think of my parents. How my mother used to light up as my father dragged his dusty frame through the front door covered in coal dust; she didn't mind. Without even coming to realize it at first, I now begin to notice I have been doing the same. Waiting anxiously for Peeta to return from the bakery, delighted as he rounds the corner covered in flour; I to don't mine, his lips still work the same.

Last night however, something... different happened. I was preparing for bed and slowly began to climb in next to Peeta. I felt his warm hand on my cheek lifting my face up to his. He began kissing me passionitly, out of the blew. Leaving trails of kisses down my neck and onto my shoulders. We had kissed many times prier to this, he had even kissed my neck once or twice before. But this was different. I could sense his strong hands roaming along my back and onto my waist as he pulled me closer, leaning over top of me. This action sent chills throughout my entire body. My hands were intertwining into his wavy blonde hair, and I didn't want him to stop kissing me.

I could feel that thing again, that stirring in the pit of my stomach, that sense of hunger that begins to over take my body. The same feeling I felt that night on the beach with Peeta during the Quarter Quell. I'm not really sure how to describe it. Its almost as if my body is craving something, or someone for that matter. I like it, though its a new feeling for me. But the only thing I'm sure of, its only happens when I'm with Peeta. I think he was feeling something similar to me, I could tell in his eyes. That's the thing about Peeta, one glance into his blue eyes and you can instantly tell his emotion. But this one was new to us both.

Then between kisses, I started to realize what he was doing. He pulled his shirt over his head and had one hand on my abdomen, extremely close to my breast. His other hand on his pant buckle. My eyes shot open as I tried to catch my breath. Peeta and I haven't done this yet, we have barley even discussed this. Regardless of what the rest of Panem thinks, Peeta and I are both virgins. I wasn't sure I was ready for this, I felt like I wasn't prepared. But then again, can one really be prepared for something like this. Surely Peeta was. But he looked as embarrassed as I felt as I pulled away from him. I could tell by one quick peek into his eyes, he had felt guilty. Like he had done something to hurt me, or to make me upset. He began apologizing instantly, I new we would. I just didn't know how to respond. Why should he be apologizing for something I was enjoying?

I new if I would have allowed it, I would have lost my virginity that night, I was just beyond terrified. Of course; no surprise there. For someone who tackled two rounds of the Hunger Games, you think these types of things wouldn't even faze me; wrong. I shouldn't have been scared, I trust Peeta, and everything felt right, like my body already new what to do. I know Peeta would never do anything to hurt me. I was enjoying it, his hands exploring my body and mine on his. Thoughts just over came me, and I backed off, pushing him away. I know he must have felt hurt, I just rejected him like that. I feel bad for Peeta a lot of the time, I am never able to fully reciprocate the love and affection he gives me. Even though he has yet to here it, I love this man, and its about time he see that.

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**Hope you guys enjoyed this one! and I want to make a note here! This is only rated PG-13, meaning, yes the topic of sex may come up, BUT there will be NO full on sex scenes! I will try to have the next entry up in the next week! Thanks for reading! MAKE SURE TO COMMENT ON WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE IN UMCOMING ENTIRES,I NEED IDEAS! :D**


	8. Entry 8

It is hard to imagine the feeling; the feeling of falling so head over heels in love with somebody. It is a feeling I was never intending to have for someone. I know I have loved before, but just not in this type of way. I know wholeheartedly that I loved Prim, with everything I had. She was everything to me, and I was willing to sacrifice my whole life for hers, but she was my sister. I loved my father, and I love my mother despite everything we have been through together. I'll even admit that I love Gale. But I have realized that it was no more then a strong friendship type of love. The love I have for Peeta is different and unique to all of these.

In my room, inside my closet, on the very top shelf sits a box. Inside it contains things that I have saved throughout my life, things that have a importance or a special memory to go along with them. Things like, my first, child size bow, that my father made for me, Prim's hair ribbons, my fathers book about edible plants, my mothers bracelet, my mockingjay pin, my pearl and locket that Peeta gave to me; things of that nature. As I was sorting through the box, I found an old piece of paper, written on the top of it stated "Wedding Vows." They were the vows my father had read to my mother on their wedding day. I read them over word by word, mesmerized by the impressive vocabulary my father had, similar to someone else I know. As I read across the last paragraph, I couldn't help the tears that fell from my eyes._ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts,always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails._

Those words were so perfectly stated. So perfect for Peeta and I. I feel like that simple paragraph, from my father explains everything about our love. It also explains the reasons I ended up with Peeta and not with Gale. I smiled when I read the paper, feeling that is was almost a sign from my father, encouraging me to tell Peeta how much I truly love him. I am grateful knowing that he is guiding me, hopefully with Prim.

So I guess you can say, it all started with wedding vows, how I finally told Peeta that I loved him. I sat on my bed as he walked in, seeing me reading over my fathers words. I handed him the paper, I saw the corners of his mouth form a smile as the words began to register in his brain. I knew he would understand every word of the vows, he and my father had a similar way with words. We stood there for a while smiling at each other, taking in the enormity of the phrases. Then he sat next to me and began to kiss me; passionately.

I began kissing him back and wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders as he leans back, gently lying over me. Placing sweet kisses back down the side of my neck. I felt that stirring again, the hunger that begins to over take my body. I new what was happening, and this time I was ready. I love this man with every inch of my soul. I wanted this, and I wanted it with him; and only him, forever, for the rest of my life. Everything was so passionate and full of love and pleasure. I felt free, yet safe with him. The discomfort began to fade as our bodies became used to each other. Every touch sending chills of pleasure throughout my entire body. The one thought that kept running trough my mind was how much, I truly love Peeta.

As the night drew on, we lay, my head rested on Peeta's warms, bare chest. My breathing had calmed down and I could hear each beat of Peeta's heart; steady and strong. The window was open so the crisp early winter air leaked into the room. I pulled the covers over our bodies, and that's when, in a hushed tone, Peeta began to speak "You love me. Real or not real?" I smiled remembering our old saying. I didn't need to think of a response because I already new; I had known for awhile. I tell him, "Real".

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**YAAAAY! KATNISS FINALLY ADMITS HER LOVE FOR PEETA :') GOOD USE OF THE LAST PAGE OF MOCKINGJAY I KNOW ;) anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this! PLEASE comment, I need ideas! Also let me know what you think and anything you want to see in upcoming chapters. Also, the last paragraph of the vows comes from _The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13:4._** **Thank you guys so much for reading! I will hopefully have the next entry up in under a week! :D **


	9. Entry 9

I find it baffling, how people still adore seeing Peeta and I together. Just the simple things, like walking into town together, hand in hand. I catch the smiles of delight on peoples faces as they try their hardest not to stare. I mean this isn't something new, couples always walk around holding hands in the district. I think people just relish in the fact that Peeta and I are officially together. They are happy for us; happy that we have found joy in each other. After all of the hardships we have been through, its a miracle we are both not depressed and living in some mental hospital far off in the Capital. We keep each other sane.

Yesterday Peeta and I spent the day moving all of his belonging that still remained in his house over to mine. He had already been practically living completely from my house, but now its official; its our house. It didn't take long for Haymitch to wonder outside due to the commotion. I was surprised, he wasn't as drunk as usual, and therefore was easily able to pick up on our situation. Haymitch is one of those people, who I feel deep down inside, always new Peeta and I would wind up together. Even in the times where I didn't, Haymitch new it was only a matter of time. He is surprisingly very intelligent and can easily pick up on someones deepest thoughts, at least when he is sober. He is also one of the few people in this world who can comprehend our predicament, which also made him understand, that Peeta was everything I needed.

It was unusual seeing him jump in to help Peeta do some of the heavy lifting of the boxes, it's not really a Haymitch thing do to. But who was I to interject. After a few hours, Peeta's house was empty. I helped him tack a FOR SALE sign into the grounds on the front lawn. He smiled at me and pulled me in, kissing my forehead and telling me that he loves me. "I love you too" I replied. It felt nice telling him that. Even though we were not married I feel we were defiantly ready to be living together. I know many people in the district look down upon couples who where not married and living together, but I feel with us, they would be more understanding. After all, some of them may think we already were.

Peeta ended up inviting Haymitch over for dinner that night. I was taken aback at first, I had never cooked for Haymitch before. Never invited him over to my house for a meal. However, he deserved it after spending the majority of his day, sober, helping us move in. Everything went pretty smoothly to my delight. Haymitch isn't half bad when he's not guzzling down every ounce of liquor he can. We have pretty decent conversations where he is attentive and can actually complete a sentence. However, I should have known this whole respectful act wasn't going to last forever. This is Haymitch were talking about after all. He often does these things that he knows make me uncomfortable, but doesn't seem to consider the effect it will have on me. I never know how to respond to his dreadful remarks, because to me, these topics are private. I don't like talking about personal matter with anyone I don't have to. Even if it is the man responsible for getting me through not just one, but two rounds of the Hunger Games. These things don't faze Peeta, but seem to hit me like a ton of bricks. "So Katniss, when's the wedding?" he asks.

I could feel my cheeks flooding with heat. I wanted to lunge at him, the way I did after the Quell. However Peeta's hand was resting on my thigh and I could tell by his eyes he just wanted me to relax. I wasn't good at these things like he was. Peeta doesn't take his crude words in a negative way, rather as just another Haymitch personality trait. I wish I could be more like him. But to me, this was a direct blow. How dare he. I was just able to come to terms with the fact that I love Peeta Mellark. I had only just told him that I loved him. And now Haymitch was pushing marriage in my face! The topic of marriage had totally slipped my mind and I wasn't willing to re look the idea just because Haymitch seems to be already planning a wedding.

I somehow managed to make it through the rest of dinner without driving my fork into the side of Haymitch's neck. However the mood of the night was ruined. The conversations were awkward, and I refused to say much. Thankfully Haymitch didn't stick around long after we cleaned up. I think he wanted to leave just as much as I did. Peeta walked him out, but I refused to leave my seat on the sofa. As Peeta returned, I could see the smirk on his face. I tried my best to frown, but its an immense task to do, when Peeta Mellark is staring at me with a very seductive face. He walked over and gently scooped me into his arms. He leans in and kisses me softy, after placing his forehead upon mine. Then he spoke, using his words to drop yet another surprise on me. "Don't worry Miss. Everdeen, I don't expect Mrs. Mellark to make an appearance just yet."

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**Thank you to my readers! you guys are great! I am so thankful for all of you! Make sure to keep reading and stay with me! There is SOOOO much more to come3 PLEASEE comment guys! i just want to know your thoughts on the journal! :D **


	10. Entry 10

These types of things don't happen to often anymore. Peeta has a brilliant mind and a very strong belief in who he is. But every now and then, the tracker jacker venom runs stronger through his veins. I know he can't help it, this is something far beyond his control. He doesn't deserve this, I detest seeing him in this manor and to be honest, it scares me.

Yesterday was the first time, in over eight months where he had an attack of this level. At least once a month he gets flashbacks, but he simply clings to a chair to support himself. I hum or sing and he comes back to me. However this attack, was not as basic. There is nothing we can do to prepare for them, there are no warning signs. He was simply running around the kitchen, preparing dinner, nothing out of the ordinary when it hit. I could tell; I could see it in his eyes. His eyes completely drain of that beautiful blue and become a dark brown, almost black color.

I watched in terror as he gripped the counter and scrapped his nails along the cupboards. As I started getting up to comfort him, he began to tear into the drawers and shelves, tearing out the contents. Glass began to crash to the floor and I could see the blood pour from his hands. He is yelling things; things that I don't understand. And frankly, I don't want to understand. These are all things the capital used to torture him. I can here my name being mumbled often, and I am sure I can here Gale's to, but its hard to understand through the shrieks and tears. That's when I began to sing. It wasn't much, but I new it would work. I repeated Rue's four note tune over and over. He began to slow down and the yelling stopped, but was still throwing metal spoons and forks onto the ground of glass. I calmly made my way towards his tense body, trying my best not to step on the piles of broken glass. This was pointless, I already felt a piece of glass wedge itself into my foot, but I didn't stop moving, or humming.

As I reached Peeta he stood with his back facing me digging his hands into the counters. I could see his chest rising and falling as his breathing was still erratic. I wasn't sure how he was going to respond to my touch, so I started slowly. Placing both my hands onto his back. This didn't seem to work. He snapped away from me throwing another spoon at his feet. I wasn't surprised, I needed to do more. I took a deep breath in, preparing for what I was about to do. I quickly made my way to the front of him. I caught a quick glimpse of his eyes; still black. I threw myself against his body wrapping my arms tightly around his shaken frame. Resting my hands in his hair and pulling him gently into my shoulder. I began to smoothly run my fingers through his blonde waves. Not stopping my humming for a single second. After a few minutes I feel his body start to relax and his breathing is coming back to normal. He drops the fork in his hand, but does not return my embrace, a signal that he has not yet returned to me.

I lifted my head from his chest bringing my lips to his ear. I stoped humming and begin to speak slowly and calmly. " My name is Katniss Everdeen, Real. I will never leave you, Real. You saved me, Real. I love you Peeta Mellark, Real."

As I pulled my lips away and stared into his eyes, I can see there not as dark anymore. I rest my head back upon his chest and I began to feel his strong arms wrap around my body. I smiled to myself, I knew Peeta was coming back to me. I could hear his heart beat steady again as he leans down placing a kiss on my forehead. His eyes, a perfect ocean blue, the way they should be. I am so grateful he as returned. I wiped away the tears that linger on his face and wrap my arms around his neck. I kiss him, validating that I will always stand by him, and also reassuring my love for him. As we part, he tells me the same things, using his astonishing words that always seem to make me fall harder and harder.

Peeta began to clean the mess of glass after bandaging his bleeding hands. I go to help him but realize this may be difficult because my foot has small chips of glass piercing into it, making it painful and difficult to move. I can see blood smeared on the floor, but before I can do anything, Peeta also seems to notice it. He sweeps me into his arms and carries me to the couch. He is running and I can tell he is feeling guilty. Before I can blink he is dashing from the bathroom with hot water, tweezers and disinfectant.

As Peeta tends to my hurt foot and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Thank you Dr. Mellark" I say to him. A smile appears on his face, followed by thousand and one apologizes. Peeta doesn't need to apologize. If anyone should understand his situation it's me. So instead, to stop him from speaking, I do the only logical tactic; I kiss him.

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**HOPE YOU GUYS LIKED THIS ONE! PLEASEEEEE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE IN UPCOMING ENTRIES :D There is sooo much more to come and I don't plan on stopping any time soon! PLEASE comment and let me know your thoughts! I love hearing from you all! Thank you for reading! I will have the next one up hopefully sometime within the next week like usual :)**


	11. Entry 11 pt1

It is now the beginning of August and summer is in full effect. I am thankful for the air conditioning systems and the rotating fans on the ceilings of our homes that so many of us have now. I have vivid memories of the hot summer months back in the Seam. Prim would make little paper fans for us and my mother and I would try our best to keep the water supply strong. It is almost surreal, the environment I am walking upon today. I never thought I would be living in a world that was so...peaceful.

Today I spent my day working in the garden that surrounds the front of the home I share with Peeta. Watering the bright array of flowers. Many vibrant colors fill the surroundings, pinks, yellows, purples, blues and of course bunches of stunning orange flowers that I new Peeta would love. Yes, I have a pretty extensive knowledge of plants, but gardening? I never thought this would be something I would enjoy. I think Prim would have loved it. Caring for each and every life inside the garden. But I find it relaxes me as well . Another way to clear my mind besides hunting.

I spent the rest of my day sitting on the veranda, chatting with the occasional neighbor that passes by. The first person I see is Haymitch, but that was brief as he walked out of his front door, grabbed the mail and straggled back inside slamming the door behind him. Not even allowing me to shout a quick hello. I imagine he was to hungover to care. The next to greet me was Delly Cartwright. Despite everything she has been trough in the rebellion, she still always has that signature smile on her face. She married a kind, smart, energetic man named Cade whom she met in district 13. He almost seemed like the male version of her, yet they complimented each other perfectly. She waddled over to me as she is now 7 months pregnant with their first baby. I couldn't help but smile as she rubbed her abdomen and even offered to let me feel her baby kick. It was strange to me. There was a living being inside of her, moving and ready to face the world. I wondered if that could be me someday?

Before long I found myself in the usual spot on the porch steps waiting for Peeta to round the corner at the top of the street. Covered in flour like usual but ready to greet me. I remember hoping he would bring home another new Peeta creation for me to try. These were the perks of being with a baker I guess. I began to see him making his away around the corner, covered head to toe in flour; no surprise there. That's when the phone began to ring. Who could possibly be calling me. Clearly not Peeta, and Haymitch never bothers with the phone. This couldn't be good I thought. I wanted to run to Peeta like I usually do, but someone had to answer this phone.

I dashed through the front door hoping someone may have just called the wrong telephone number and I could get back to Peeta; I was wrong. I don't think anything could have prepared me for the voice I was hearing on the other end. So familiar, yet so distant. I new who it was without a second thought, I have herd that strong, deep voice millions of times before. It could only belong to one person; Gale.

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**SORRY ABOUT THE CLIFF HANGER! I have my ideas ready so I will try to have the next entry up because I know what its like to be waiting on the cliff hanger! Anyways thank you all for reading! And thank you for your wonderful comments, I love hearing from you so keep them coming! Ideas and thoughts on the future of this journal are always welcome :D**


	12. Entry 11 pt2

I wasn't sure how to react; what to say, what not to say. It had felt like a life time ago since we had spoken last, we had hindered all contact. The sound of his voice was startling to me, yet it seemed so familiar. It took a couple of times for him to say hello and repeatedly say my name before I could respond. I know he could sense that I was there though, and he never hung up. Most likely because he could hear my heavy breathing, and maybe even my heartbeat that seemed to be beating out of my chest.

Finally I responded, managing a quiet hello. I could here Gale chuckle to himself as he told me how great it was to here my voice. Again I didn't respond. However I must admit, it was nice to hear his voice as well. Just reassuring me that he was okay. No matter what happens in our lives, Gale was my best friend. We depended on each other for a long time to keep our families going. I felt safe with Gale and I had trusted him more then many others in my life at that time. I'll never love Gale the way I love Peeta, but I'll never forget him.

For a few minutes, we exchanged some awkward small talk, until I couldn't take it anymore. I new he was calling me for a reason, and I needed to know what it was. Was something wrong? Does he know something that I don't? So I asked him, as calmly as I could. He went silent; this couldn't be good I thought.

Then, as if a bolt of lighting strikes, be blurts out everything he had been holding in. He was spilling out apology after apology. Admitting how sorry he was for taking off and not telling me, how he should have never shut me out the way he did, he even apologized for ever making me fill guilty about ever wanting to be with Peeta; which i'll admit catches me off guard. It was almost as if he was telling me, he accepted Peeta. How did he even know I was with him? I then here him begin to say something about Prim, until he cuts off and stops speaking. He ends with a genuine, " I'm beyond sorry Katniss, for everything. I hope you can forgive me someday."

Surprisingly enough, I do forgive him, and I let him know that. I can hear him breath a sigh of relief, but there is something I need to ask him, "Gale how did you know I was with Peeta?" His answer astounds me. I wouldn't expect this kind of response from him, but for some reason I remember every word. " _Katniss, I knew a long time ago, I just didn't want to admit that you were in love with someone else, or that perhaps someone could love your more then I. I knew you would find your way back to Peeta because I know you. The way you would look at him, the way you would say his name, the way I saw you kiss him...We never had that. I understand now that you belong with Peeta, I think deep down I always knew you did."_His words hit we like a ton of bricks, but also make me feel relieved. Gale seemed to understand and be more accepting of my decisions, and even at peace with the situation.

As we continue to talk surprises me again. Telling be this was not the only reason he had called. I think he could sense the confusion in my voice, so he tells me. "Katniss...I'm getting married." My mouth drops open from pure shock. My best friend, Gale Hawthorne, is getting married! I can hear Peeta walk through the front door. I am instantly overwhelmed with the smell of fresh baked goods and I smile to myself. I realize then that I am excited for Gale. I know what it's like to be truly in love with someone, I have Peeta. I am ecstatic that he hopefully has this to. I offer up the best congratulations I can. Gale goes on to tell me the wedding will be taking place in two months and that he would love for Peeta and I to come to district 2 for the wedding. He evens offers us positions to be a bridesmaid and groomsmen in the wedding. I agree to this, mainly because I am not willing to throw our friendship away again.

As Peeta enters the house, he walks by me, giving my a confused look but stopping to kiss my cheek. He continues on making his way to the kitchen as Gale keeps talking. He is telling me about his future wife. Her name is Lila and he met her shortly after arriving in 2. He talks with so much pride and happiness in his voice. It is remarkable to hear him like this. Joy was something I didn't see to much of when it came to Gale. But I know what he's feeling, being in love can completely change a person. And even though it was not with each other; we both know that it wouldn't have worked, I am thankful we have both found love.


	13. Entry 12

I begun to twirl, spinning in tiny circles in my new orange dress. _Twirl for me girl on fir_e. That's what Cinna would have been telling me if he was still here. I stood there, staring at the reflection back at me. In the mirror I could see myself in the dress. I don't wear stunning dresses often, but when I do, I always picture Cinna.

The dress had arrived for me this morning, it is the one I will be wearing in Gale's wedding. A big brown cardboard box was delivered to our porch step early today. It contained my dress along with a sharp black tuxedo for Peeta that also came with a tie that matched my dress. It was an interesting choice of colour; something Peeta would have chosen. Such a soft fall orange that reminded me of crisp autumn leaves right before they fall from the trees. I wonder what Cinna would think of this dress, I'm sure he would approve however it was lacking the magnificence that only he could bring to fashion. The dress was simple, yet elegant. It was a fitted orange, sheath dress that fell right to my ankles. It only consisted of one strap that draped over my shoulder and sparkled with a few touches of glittery reign stones. In less then a month now, I will be walking down the isle in this dress, not at my own wedding, but at Gales.

As I herd Peeta begin to make his way upstairs I dashed into the washroom slamming the door behind me. For some reason, I don't want him to see me in this dress. As a bridesmaid and a groomsmen we will be walking down together, arm in arm, and I do not want him to see the dress until then. I know this tradition is usually reserved for the bride and groom, its just I think if anyone will appreciate the beauty of this dress it will be Peeta, and I want to wait until the wedding.

I try to picture my stunning orange dress, in a pure white colour. Would it be me one day, walking down the isle as the wedding bells rung and a choir of children sang. Passing my weeping mother as she watches her only living daughter marry. Finally making my way to the top of the isle were a exuberant Peeta is anxiously waiting to marry me. These are the thoughts that have been filling my mind lately; and occasionally my dreams. It is so baffling that these feelings are even occurring for me. Peeta and I have so much happiness, passion and love in our relationship that there are no longer any barriers holding me back from being with him.

When Peeta knocks on the bathroom door I tell him he can enter. He peaks his head in and smiled at me. I love it when he smiles because it is such a contagious reaction, and I need more smiles in my life. As he steps in he chuckles to himself as I realize I am still in my underclothes. Neither of us mind anymore, but Peeta keeps his eyes locked on mine. The sign of a true gentleman I remember thinking to myself. As he reached me he embraced me into one of his strong hugs bringing his lips right beneath my earlobe. Telling me how he had missed me today and then softy leaving kisses all the way up until he finds my lips. His warm breath seems to send instant chills throughout my entire body. As our lips meet only one thought remains in my head, _I am going to marry this man one day. _

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**Thank you guys for reading3 I Love hearing from you all so keep it coming! Sorry if this entry was a little dull but I didn't want to jump right into Gale and Lila's wedding day so I tried my best! I have some great ideas for upcoming entries so let me know your thoughts! I will try to have the next entry up ASAP but I have been super busy lately so I am sorry if it is a few days late! Follow me on twitter for updates, MrsMellark74 . Anyways, thanks to all my readers3**


	14. Entry 13

For me being on a train brings forth many terrible memories that I so desperately want to erase from my brain. I think about my first train ride, when I was sixteen years old. Not truly aware of the horrors I was about to face. How that train ride into the capital had so much symbolism that went along with it. As I pulled away from 12, after leaving Prim, my mother and Gale all behind, I slowly began to watch that life slip away from me. It was the only life I had even known, spending countless hours far off in the depths of the woods with Gale, doing everything in my power to provide for my shaken family. I left that life behind that day, and as I entered the capital I watched my life change drastically as I became known as the MockingJay.

I rode trains night after night during the victory tour. Everyday I would climb aboard with a new memory to go along with my growing list of terrors. Looking into the eyes of the loved ones of the children whom I had a hand in killing. Watching them helplessly and I knew that their worlds had been shattered. I watched as peacekeepers took out other human beings without so much of a second thought. These types of nightmares usually were the ones that would creep their way into my mind while aboard a train.

I seem to really have only one positive memory of trains left with me. I remember it so vividly because it was the one thing that kept me from going completely insane in a time where everything seemed to be crashing down around me. It was the only thing that forced me to rise in the mornings even though the world was broken. Peeta; who freed me from those horrendous nightmares. The sound of his strong and steady heartbeat as I would lay with my head on his chest; bringing me to sleep every night like a small child. The feeling of his delicate hands on my back keeping my safe from a dangerous world. But perhaps most important was the feeling of knowing he would be beside me through it all, and that he loved me.

As Peeta and I boarded the train early this morning, I tried to keep that thought in my head. Truthfully I had been avoiding all other opportunities to go on a train, but this one seemed impossible to avoid. I wanted to be there, to watch Gale marry her. I wanted to see his face light up in a way I had never gotten to see. I want to know that he was happy and content. Also, and most importantly, that he had found love, maybe even the type of love Peeta and I share. Gale and I never really saw each other in a state of pure bliss, but I imagine that is about to change.

I now sit on a plush red sofa in a moving passenger car carrying myself and Peeta off to district 2. Peeta is at the table a few meters away barring himself in a drawing. I can't imagine he enjoys trains anymore then I do, so we leave each to cope with it in the ways that we know how. We understand this about each other. I see him look up every now and then to check on me and then return to his work, he has a very protective manner to him. I can now feel the train begin to come to a halt. The surroundings outside have changed. It is no longer the district 12 landscape, but 2's. I know now that I am only moments away from seeing my best friend for the first time.

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**I am sorry this was a little late, I was having writers block and I have been soooooo busy lately its a miracle I got this up. I hope you guys enjoy and stay tuned because the next few entries will be good! Make sure to comment because I LOVE hearing from you all and follow me on twitter MrsMellark74 . I will have the next entry up you for reading XO.**


	15. Entry 14

I don't really know what I was envisioning. How I would react, how he would react when we saw each other again. Should I be, upset and timid, excited and giddy, or calm but happy. I wasn't sure what to feel. Seeing Gale for the first time was sure to be interesting, and the occasion of my visit was yet another hurdle. How would Lila react to me walking back into Gales life. Not in a romantic way of course, but would she be as understanding as Peeta has been during this delicate situation? Therefore I decided to do something very unusual compared to previous situations. I decided to go into this with no plan. No ideas, just let my emotions take over.

I was surprised when I stepped off the train hand in hand with Peeta, that he was right there, waiting for me. A tall women, with curly blonde hair stood beside him. She had bright green eyes and had the most perfect white smile I had ever seen. She stood before me with her hand intertwined with his, wearing dark black dress pants with a pair of red high heels, that matched he fashionable red trench coat. I immediately realized how stunning she was. I knew that had to be Lila.

It took us a few seconds of standing there, taking in the moment, taking in each other for Gale to let go of her hand and begin dashing towards me, embracing me in a hug which caused me to let go of Peeta's hand. Physically his body felt the exact same as it always had pressed up against mine. He was tall and strong, and I remember thinking that my hands rested on the same spot on his back that they used to. And how my head fit in that familiar spot under his chin. However emotionally this hug was different. Any romantic spark we once had, had burned out. All that was left was a sense of friendship like reuniting with a long lost brother, and I was okay with that. As we hugged I had the perfect view of what was still awaiting behind Gales shoulder. She stood there staring at us, but not in a bad way. Lila has a sense of relief on her face and a smile to go along with it. I imagine Peeta was looking similar as Gale was probably watching him, as I was watching her. I decided at that moment that I defiantly approved of Lila.

After we greeted each other and introduced Peeta and Lila, they took us back to their home, in their car. When Gale had moved to 2 he had received a job that involved designing and creating automobiles. In district 12 barley anybody owned one, but now they are being massed produced and shipped out to other districts in the hopes they will become as popular there like they had in 2, according to Gale anyways. I was pleasantly surprised at the sight of the home Lila and Gale shared. It was on the smaller side, yet very homey and inviting. Perfect for a young couple. I remember thinking Peeta and I would enjoy a house similar to this instead of our mansion that still sits in the old victors village.

As the night drew on Lila made her way over to me and pulled me aside. She walked with me to a small office type room in the back of the home. Inside hanging on the back of the door was a long white gown. I knew this had to be her wedding dress. It was a full, strapless gown with pick ups in the skirt and rhinestones crystallizing the bodice. I knew this dress was going to look stunning on her. We awed over the beauty of this immaculate creation. I giggled and smiled along with Lila as she seemed to really enjoy showing me this dress that she was so proud of. Fashion and clothing has never truly been my fortay, but I needed to make a solid effort with her. Finally she stopped talking and gently enveloped me into her arms. " I'm glad you here, Katniss." she whispered.

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**SORRY IF THIS WAS A LITTLE LATE! The wedding will be very soon! I hope all you guys have a great holiday and I will post ASAP! As always, thank you for reading!**


	16. Entry 15

I woke up that morning surprisingly very happy and energized, I wondered want feelings were occurring for Gale and Lila. Their lives would be forever changed after today as they were now becoming man and wife. I was excited something positive was happening. No, Gale was never in the Hunger Games like myself, but he has still gone through so much tragedy. Watching his family suffer all those years, living to see his father blown to bits. Watching his best friend shipped off to battle to the death not once but twice. Serving with the rebel army preparing to risk his own life. And finally leaving his home because the pressure of seeing his best friend with someone else after he had a big role in the death of her sister was to much. He had now found love, and was happy.

It's October and the day is sunny yet the air is crisp, a perfect day for a wedding. Soon after everyone was awake the entire wedding party was off to the hall. The males and the females were separated into different rooms and myself and the fellow bridesmaids were seated for prep. It was odd for me seeing such a normal looking prep team. No gold hair, purple whiskers or died skin. They looked like any other normal citizen.

Before we new it all the girls were made over completely except for Lila as she was still getting her makeup done. Our makeup was soft yet elegant with brown smoky eyes and a coral lip. Our hair was all swept to one side and tucked perfectly into a side bun. I smiled because I had liked the simple appearance that reflected in the mirror after the prep team had finished. It has been awhile since I had dressed up for a fancy occasion, and when I did it was usually an unpleasant situation, so it was nice to be this joyful today.

When Lila was finished I was shocked by her beauty even more then before. Her features were still there, just advanced. Her hair fell in perfect waves that framed her face. Her eye makeup was simple but what was lacked was made up for by her dramatic red lip that she worked so well. I immediately new that Gale would think she looked beautiful. She was beautiful of course, but I imagine in his eyes she would be flawless. I made a point to walk over to Lila and hug her and remind her how perfect she truly looked. I told her how happy I was for her, and how wonderfully she would compliment Gale. When a man came into the room to announce to us the wedding was soon to start, Lila and I exited hand in hand, as I could tell she was nervous. I took it as a symbol of our new found friendship.

When I found Peeta he was happily taking to Gale. I don't find it awkward seeing them together anymore. We know where each of us stands in life and know one has the need or desire to change that. As Peeta turned around I remembered that this was the first time he will see me in my orange bridesmaids dress. As he spotted me he gave me the most ravishing smile. I raced towards him pulling him into an embrace as he whispers how beautiful I look into my ear. I took in the moment and also admired how handsome he looked in his black suit. He stood brood and strong with his blonde hair neatly placed and shoe laces double knotted. I kissed his cheek and then saw Gale over his shoulder. I took Peeta's hands into mine and quickly kissed him softly. As I doped his hands I made my way over to Gale. I smiled at my old friend and he smiled back. I remember thinking it felt nice to see him like that. I hugged him tightly in my arms with my head resting on the same spot it always does. As we parted I looked up at him and spoke true words from my heart, "Gale, I'm so happy that you found someone to share the rest of your life with." He smiled back and me and this time it was his turn to speak. He lost his gaze on me and directed his eyes to Peeta for a moment. For a second I was confused, but then he spoke. "I am happy we both found someone to spend the rest of our lives with Katniss."

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**YAAAAY FOR WEDDINGS! :')3333 I wonder what Gale was hinting at in that last line!? HMMMMMM STAY TUNED FOLKS3 Sorry this was late but with the busy Holiday family time it was difficult to write! Anyways, I hope you guys are enjoying and remember to COMMENT and stay tuned:**) **also I know Gale has been a main topic in the last few entries but this in forever an EVERLARK fanfic!**


	17. Entry 16

I used to think that love was almost like a set definition. That every love would look and feel the exact same way. I thought that all lovers did and spoke the same things. I realized how untrue this was when I fell for the bakers son.

I often think back on the past years since Prim's name and Peeta's name were called in that reaping. I think about the time when Peeta threw me that burnt bread, that saved my life. Little did I know Peeta would save my life everyday. That was where our story really started. At first I thought that I fell in love with Peeta only a few months ago, but truthfully, I have been in love with him so much longer then that. Peeta and I have a unique type of love, its different and special from anything else I have ever seen. It astounds me that we made it this far, living and loving each other.

A few days ago Peeta was at work, and I stayed lying in the bed I share with him; thinking. I thought back to our first time in the arena where I first discovered some of my feelings for him. If I didn't love Peeta I wouldn't have left safety to search for him by the stream. If I didn't love Peeta I would have left him when I realized how severe his leg wound was after Cato slashed him. I wouldn't have risked my life to save him. If I didn't love him, I would have shot him threw the heart the second the games makers announced only one victor shall win. I would have remained calm when they took him from me to amputate his leg, but I didn't because the thought of losing him after everything we had gone through killed me. If I didn't love Peeta, I wouldn't have trusted him the way I did. I wouldn't have allowed him to hold me and take care of me the way he did through my nightmares. I wouldn't have broke down when he hit the force field and I wouldn't have felt that hunger while he kissed me on the beach during the quell. I wouldn't have devoted my time in the quell solely to his survival. I wouldn't have tried to claw out Haymitch's eyes when I found out Peeta was captured by the capital if I didn't love him. If I didn't love Peeta I would have fallen for Gale when he was in the capital and hijacked, but I couldn't because something told me, he would come back to me. If I didn't love him I would have lost hope when he tried to strangle me. But I didn't because I need Peeta to survive. I need his love and everything he is to me.

I love Peeta with everything I will ever have. Sometimes its hard for me to understand my feelings. I think it mainly comes down to the fact, that with out him holding me down to this world, I wouldn't be here. He is my reason for breathing, and living out each day as it comes. Peeta taught me that no matter bad our losses are it can be good again. This is how I know, I want to be with him forever.

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**Okay you guys, so I know this is really late so I apologize for such a long wait. I was kinda of having writers block and not really knowing what to do with the story. I'm not really sure where it will go from here at this point, or how much longer I will continue? I was kinda just waiting to here from my readers. I am considering trying oneshots, and possible doing some Joshifer ones, based off of pictures? But we will see? I am hoping this will not be the last entry, and I really would love to continue, it just depends on my thoughts and ideas of where to go. Thank you as always for reading this and please please please, make sure to comment your thoughts!**


	18. Entry 17

Most people have gardens to enhance the appearance of their homes. Often times I walk through the district and see smiling ladies outside, tending to flower beds and watering the abundance of fruits and vegetables that surround the area. Most people do not understand that the flowers and plants that lay peacefully in front of Peeta and I's home, is not just for the beauty. Our garden is a memorial; a place for Peeta and I to remember every person in our lives who had a part in getting us to where we stand today. I often go outside while Peeta is at work and sit on the bench staring, and remembering. Sometimes it's difficult to look at any of the beauty these flowers posses because much of my past is far from beautiful. But other times, they bring me peace; it has become a way for me to release my emotions in a non-violent form, and I'm thankful for it.

In the front of our home, sits exactly 22 brightly coloured tulips. As a memorial to the 22 fallen tributes from my first Hunger Games. I often chuckle to myself as there is one tulip that is significantly smaller then the others. However it is the strongest tulip, that can survive with very little water and sunlight compared to the others. It is also the most beautiful in my opinion. In that flower, I can only picture Rue. Her strong will to survive and her strategic thinking that got her so far. I see her beautiful smile and dark brown eyes. There are also two tulips that grow directly side by side, so that when they stand the heads on the flower touch. It may seem odd, but I see Cato and Clove. I think they had a bond unlike any other, even different then Peeta and I's relationship. They may have been overshadowed by the star crossed lovers from district 12, but in my eyes I saw the star-crossed lovers from district 2. They were two teenagers taught from childhood to be killing machines; but I saw different. I saw to people who cared about one and other, and possibly loved each other, in what way I'll never know. But when Clove was killed, Cato was never the same. He lost strength, and the will to win. For me, I see there love displayed in my flowers.

Next to the tulips lies an abundance of blue cornflowers. The bright blue colour so vividly reminds me of the ocean, which of course could only remind me of one very important person; Finnick. My heart aches in a different way when I think of him. He was brilliant, caring, wise and loving. It is hard to describe Finnick because he was so many things. I think of Annie, and how tremendously difficult, life must be for her. I could not imagine living without Peeta. I could not invision waking up every day knowing that the Capitol was responsible for taking the life of the person I needed and loved most. I imagine her son growing up and never truly knowing the magnitude of his father actions. Through these blue flowers I truly see Finnick in every wonderful aspect that was him. I see his bravery and his will to help others and put his life on the line for what is just.

Right under the windowsill, sits a pot filled with stunning marigolds. The orange and red flares remind me so much of the fire dress I wore during my first interview with Ceaser Flickermen. However they don't remind me of Ceaser, but of Cinna. To me, there one of the most beautiful flowers, one of the most intricate creations I have seen. Peeta was the first people to admire these flowers because he enjoyed the orange and yellow colours; that of course, reminded him of a sunset. However I saw something completely different. They are radiant and unique and almost seem to make me calm by their sight and smell. Cinna was that for me. My ray of sunlight when I was in my darkest place. The person who made me feel like I could concur my goals and who truly seemed to be on my side, not the Capitols. I was beyond grateful for that man, and I will never forget him. In anything beautiful and exquisite I see Cinna. In every dress I wear I think of how Cinna would have tweaked it to make it just that much better. He was one of the few people that I could say I completely trusted, and someone who I owe great thanks to.

On the path that leads up to our home, it is lined with my favourite flower of all. This flower seemed the hardest to plant because the reminders were often to much to take. However Peeta encouraged me to plant them, and told me to see only the happiness and joy in each primrose that I plant. I'm am greeted by my sister everyday when I walk up the path. Her memory will never leave me. It took so long for me to finally plant them because anything that reminded me of Prim caused me to immediately break down. I could not handle the horrors that surrounded her death. But through time and Peeta's precious words I began to channel her legacy into something positive. The bright yellow flowers remind me of Prims innocence, that she was another child, who's life was cut short by the Capitols actions. In these flowers I see her smile, and her bright blue eyes. I see her face, and feel the presence of her encouraging words; so young yet so wise. I see her two long braids and her little duck tail. I see peace instead of destruction, and I own Peeta for that. I think that is what my sister would have wanted for me. To be remembered in a way that she to would have found beauty in. I would give anything to have her back, but I know that is not possible. Instead I choose to be thankful for the time I spent with her, because I was truly honored to be her sister.

My garden is so incredibly important to me because it is a way for me to remember these people without hate or despise. The flowers are each unique and beautiful, much like the memories I cherish about each individual. It is almost calming to me to look out my window and see the people I loved so much, represented in such a beautiful way. The sadness and grief will never leave me. The thoughts of their brutal deaths can not be forgotten. However the flowers are there to remind me of the precious lives that were taken away. No words could ever describe my gratitude and love for these people and through the flowers, they will always be remembered.

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**I'M BACK! after a lot of thinking and debating, I am choosing to return to this story! Thank you for your encouraging and positive comments! I always love hearing from you all as it give me encouragement to keep writing! I have my next few chapters already planned out so please stay tuned! Thank you for reading this story and I truly hope you enjoyed! xoxo **


	19. Entry 18

Today was another day where I was overwhelmed with happiness and completely thankful we overthrew the Capitol. Today was one of those days were I sat back and realized how worth it everything that we went through really was. Yesterday at 11:22am Jadon Gilborn entered the world. Gilborn, being the name Delly took when she married Cade. Delly gave birth to a healthy son, weighing a solid 8.9lbs, and today Peeta and I got the opportunity to meet him.

We walked into the hospital hand in hand and just by glancing at Peeta, I could see the glow emitting from his face. I know Peeta adores children, and I know whole heart-idly that he would love having children of his own. It is just my fear that would need to be tackled Babies are dependent and need so much love and care. I can't seem to grasp how I could love another person as much as I love Peeta. I don't think I have the qualities that a mother should posses. How do they always seem to know what their children need or want before the child can even react. They always have the perfect things to say and the right actions to follow. I know this would be Peeta, he would be the most astonishing father, so maybe that would balance out the moderate type of mother I invision on myself. All my experience has came from my relationship with Prim, and I lost her. Therefore I can not comprehend losing not only my child, but Peeta's as well.

My thoughts were interrupted when Cade greeted us in the lobby. He was so trilled and eager to introduce us to his son. We wasted no time, and he scurried us up to Delly's room. To me the nursery floor smells like spring air and baby powder. The walls are painted with a soft yellow and the nurses were dressed in fun, child friendly scrubs. I think the atmosphere can make anyone smile. When we entered the room, Delly was seated upright in a small hospital bed. She was holding a tiny bundle swaddled in blue blankets. Delly greeted us with one of her famous warm smiles and she gently rocked the sleeping baby in her arms whispering gentle hums. For someone who had just became a mother, she already seemed to know exactly what to do.

It didn't take long for Peeta to ask to hold Jadon. I watched as he carefully lifted this fragile figure from Delly's arms. Peeta kept the baby snuggled close to his body and made sure to rest his arm under Jadon's head to support him. He seemed so protective and loving, another person who just seemed to posses these parental qualities. He stood next to the window gently swaying is body from side to side as he looked loving down at Jadon. I felt calm and happy at the sight of him with this baby and couldn't help but smile when he looked up at me with glossy eyes and the most perfect grin that I had ever seen. Watching him lean down and softly kiss Jadon's forehead almost brought me to tears. When I walked over to Peeta I rested my head on his shoulder as he kissed my forehead. He began to tell my everything that I was already thinking; that this baby was safe and was in no danger of reapings or Hunger Games thanks to our actions.

Soon Delly began to tell us about the reasoning behind the name Jadon. It meant grateful, and as one of the first children to be born after the rebellion, that is what they were. They were grateful to me for giving their baby a safe place to live. Honor and pride filled my body because this was something I was honored to have done. Cade and Delly also asked Peeta and I to be the godparents to this baby. I was hesitant as first, but I knew through Peeta's expressions this was something he was eager to accept. I thought that possibly this could be a small step in learning to let go and give Peeta his own child in the future.

Just before we were leaving, I realized I wanted to hold this baby too. I took a deep breath and Peeta placed a still sleeping Jadon into my arms. He was warm and smelled like baby powder and also a little bit like Peeta due to the fact that he would not let him go for our entire visit. He held him closely guarded against his chest. I tried to mimic what Peeta did and made sure to place my arm under his head and keep him close to my body. I have to admit that the quiet noises sleeping babies make is probably one of my favorite sounds in the world. I smiled down at this sleeping creation as more thoughts filled my mind about holding a child of my own one day. Perhaps it will be like this; peaceful and full of serenity. Peeta placed him arms around us and I still haven't forgotten the words he whispered softly in to my ear.

"You're going to be a great mother one day Katniss."

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**Sorry that this is late, I have been on vacation and have had very little time to write! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and I will try to have the next one up ASAP! :D follow me on twitter for updates... TributeGirlEmma**


	20. Entry 19

I spent my afternoon home today. It is the beginning of June and the weather is now sunny and warm. I spent the majority of my day gardening and admiring the memorial flowers that surround my home. After that I decided to go inside and make a delightful dinner for Peeta so it would be ready when he returns home from work. He always does so much for me and I decided to do something special for him. I catch the food and Peeta usually makes it, so it may be pleasing to change it around for once. I made some of our favourites; lamb stew with dried plums, roast beef cut thinly, and a mixed green salad. Even though it was June I still made us hot chocolate. No matter what temperature it is, it is truly favoured by us both.

I went outside on the porch to wait for Peeta to come home from work. I was eager to present this dinner to him and see his grateful and appreciative reactions. However it was passed 3:07 and he was still not home; I was concerned because Peeta was never late. I tried to remain calm and remind myself that it was probably just a busy day at the bakery. However another part of my brain kept reminding me that he could be in an empty bakery and possibly having an attack. He could easily destroy something, or worse- himself. It did not take long for my brain to take over and I dashed through town. Images of a lifeless, hurt Peeta filled my mind. I have seen him unconscious and on the verge of death before so this was something I never wanted to witness again. When I reached the showcase windows of the bakery I realized the front door was locked and all lights were turned off except for a faint glow coming from the oven room. I knew I needed to get in there and my only hope was the back door. Thankfully it was unlocked and I burst through the door. I tried to remain calm because if Peeta was in a hijacked state my panicking would defiantly not help. I walked softly towards the oven room, and there he stood.

His back was facing me and he was bent over the counter preoccupied with something that I could not see. I walked towards him calmly but loud enough so he could here my foot steps, yet he still did not turn around. This is when I really thought he was in the middle of an episode, but when I saw his face I knew I was wrong.

He was not holding a knife or glass or something destructive but instead a piping bag filled with orange frosting. His hands were not as steady as they usually where but he was still decorating a white sugar cookie with exquisite detail. His cheeks were flushed and in his blue eyes I saw pain and sadness. They were red and glossy which led me to believe that he was crying. This sight alone almost broke me, but I knew I needed to be strong and try to understand what he was feeling. For a few minutes I just stood there as he did not even seem to acknowledge anything but his sugar cookie. When he stopped I began to gently rub circles on his back to let him know that no matter what is going on, I was to always be on his side.

Finally he broke, taking me into his arms and sobbing into my hair. I truly had no idea what was going on in his mind so the only thing I could do was stand there and hug him with everything I had. Peeta never breaks down like this, he usually keeps his emotions to himself. I am the one usually crying into his arms after a horrific nightmare. I wanted to ask him what had happened to make him so upset, but I knew that this was something he would tell me on his own terms, so for now, all I could do was hold him.

Eventually he spoke, and I began to understood the reasons for his breakdown. Today was his fathers birthday, another year that he won't get to experience because of the rebellion. Peeta loved and cherished his father just as much as I did mine. His mother was cruel so his father was the only person he had. My father has been gone for a long time and the flashes of him being blown to bits in the mine still haunt me. Mr. Mellark's death is rather new and I know even though he never talks about it, it kills Peeta inside. I did not know the baker too well, but I saw so much of him in Peeta. He was sweet and caring, always trying to do genuine things for the sake of others. He brought me cookies before my first games and vowed to make sure Prim always had food in her stomach while I was gone. I would have loved to have got to know him more because I know if Peeta feels this strongly, then he was an outstanding man.

I tried comforting Peeta to the best of my abilities. I even tried to mimic some of the comforting things he says to me in these times because they always seem to make me feel so much better. The frequent smiles he gave let me know my words were working. We spent the rest of the night reminiscing happy memories of all the loved ones we lost. Peeta's were mostly about his father and everything he did for him growing up. He told me that the cookie he was working on as a walked in, was a replica of the ones his father used to make for him and his brothers on their birthdays. He would bake them in secret away from his wife and decorate them with the boys favourite colour. Peeta and his dad both love orange so Peeta spent the day decorating the majority of the bakery goods in orange frosting. I know me misses his dad deeply and he tells me that his father would have adored me. I am pretty sure I would have loved him too, just like I fell in love with his beautiful son.

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**Thank you guys for reading3 I wanted to get this chapter out today to celebrate the one year anniversary of The Hunger Games hitting theaters! :')... Special shout out and thanks to my new Betas! Make sure to stay tuned as there is much more to come! **


	21. Entry20

If you were to tell me four years ago that I was going to live to see my twentieth birthday, I would have laughed in your face and told you that you must be insane. There was no way I was ever going to survive two battles to the death or an all out rebellion where I was considered one of the main targets. Never would I be able to go on after losing some of the most important people in my life; but somehow, I'm still here.

Twenty years ago today in a small home in District 12, my mother gave birth to me. There were no medically trained Capitol doctors there to assist her, just some willing fellow mothers from the Seam. As a small child I started to become aware of the horrific world I was born into. I learned truly what the Hunger Games were about at eight years old. My mother and father did their best to keep it from me as long as they could. They wanted to give me somewhat of a carefree childhood. But it was brought up at school and every reaping day I would start to notice that a few children were missing from the school yard. Little did I know, what an impact those games would have on the person I turned out to be. They have twisted and altered my life in so many brutal ways I have lost count. I have lost the people I cared the most for, and there never coming back. However, because of them, I was honored in meeting some of the most amazing human beings I will ever have the privilege of knowing. Most of all, they brought me to Peeta.

Now I lie in bed, as a twenty year old. Curled up with Peeta as our bare bodies still touch. I smile to myself because I am so grateful that he has chosen to be here with me, keeping me safe and warm, rather then being anywhere else in this world. He spent all of today planning the most amazing surprise birthday party I could have ever asked for. Everyone I love had came. Annie and her son Fin. Cade, Delly and Jaydon. Johanna. Beetee. Haymitch. Effie. Gale and a newly pregnant Lila. And many others from town. I was thrilled to see all these friendly faces who care so much about me. Peeta decorated the entire house and made me the most breath taking cake I had ever seen. Everything was perfect, and these people managed to make me feel happy to be celebrating another birthday. Peeta managed to get me an amazing gift. He took the pearl he gave me on the beach and had it made into a necklace. I tried to carry the lose pearl around with me but I was always in fear of losing it, so a necklace was beyond perfect. Tears filled my eyes as I opened this thoughtful gift. Even when we are apart I will have a piece of him with me.

When everybody left Peeta scooped me up into his arms and carried me upstairs into our room. We spent the time loving each other both physically, and emotionally. Peeta has a way of making me feel alive with not only his words but with his body. As I lay tucked into his bare side I kissed his shoulder and tell him how thankful I am for everything he does for me; I am also sure to remind him, that I love him. He has managed to make me feel happy to be celebrating my birthday, and more importantly, happy to be alive.

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THANKS FOR READING GUYS! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS ENTRY, MAKE SURE TO STAY TUNED BECAUSE I AM PLANNING ON THE NEXT ONE BEING AN IMPORTANT ONE! YOUR SUPPORT IS AMAZING AND I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU. also!i created a Tumblr to give you guys a visual on the story- PLEASE CHECK IT OUT3


	22. Entry21- part1

**Chapter 21- part 1**

-10 months later-

I woke up that morning to the fresh spring air gliding through the open bedroom windows. The birds were out and the sun was just beginning to rise over the horizon. It was Sunday and I usually begin my day in the woods, followed by the day spent with Peeta, as it is his day off. When I rolled over to great him good morning, his presence was missing, however I could smell the overpowering aroma of cheese buns coming from downstairs.

When I reached the kitchen I found a fresh plate of cheese buns on the table, but no Peeta. Suddenly I spot a small cue hard behind the plate. _"Good morning beautiful, I know I'm not here right now, but if you go to the place where I first saw you, with two braids instead of one, we will find each other very soon. Love always, Peeta."_ My mind began to immediately wander. What was Peeta doing? Was this some sort of special occasion I was forgetting? I had no clue so I slipped on my jacket and boots and began pacing towards the school.

This school is not the same one Peeta and I attended. That one was destroyed in the bombings. However this astonishing new school they made was one of the first buildings constructed after the rebellion. As I wondered up the side walk I noticed a familiar face standing by the front doors. However it was not Peeta's. It was Delly, who is again newly pregnant with her second baby. She greeted me with a tight embrace and seemed happier then usual. When I asked her if she had seen Peeta, she again giggled and replied no. Except she did hand me another white note card. I took it from her becoming more and more confused by this situation._ "Looks like your a little late, take Delly and head towards your favourite place in the world, hopefully you'll find me there. Love Always, Peeta."_ I looked at Delly who was as still as giddy as could be, she grabbed my hand and began dashing away before I could ask any questions.

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**Okay I know this is defiantly one of my shortest entries yet, but let me explain whats going on. These up coming entries are some of the most important ones yet. I am being a little bad by leaving you in suspense every time. I was thinking of making this one huge entry but I thought it would be more fun to break it up. You will understand more by the next entry. However DO NOT worry, because they are so short I will be updating every 1-3 days. Please make sure to stay tuned in you are one of my all the time readers, these entries will be big! THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND PLEASE MAKE SURE TO COMMENT3**


	23. entry 21- part 2

**Entry 21- Part2**

When Delly and I reached the edge of the forest, my eyes rapidly looked for Peeta, however he was clearly not in sight. Delly and I fell silent, when I began to here faint footsteps coming from the forest. I let go of Delly's hand and dashed into the bushes hoping to find Peeta.

"Hey Catnip" said a voice from behind me. As I turn around I see no one other then Gale. He's not Peeta, but I defiantly was happy to see him. I pull him tight against me, thinking that this was the first time we had been in within these trees together in a long time. This forest holds so many memories that we share together. Some good, and some bad. However so much of my youth was spent within the depths of these branches hunting, and surviving, along side my best friend. It made me emotional thinking about it, and I could tell it affected Gale to. He immediately told me how much he misses our days out here. The forests in District 2 were nothing like this. Gale and I definitely missed each other. But more like how a brother misses a sister, or two best friends who have not seen each other in a very long time. Gale stands there for a minute admiring his surrounding and breathing in the forest air, that I know makes him feel at home. I stand there as well, taking in the moment of having him back in the place, where for along time, seemed to belong to us; and in a weird way, I feel like that never has changed. Finally we both smile as he reaches out and hands yet another white note card.

_"Not who you were expecting huh? Enjoy this moment and then take Delly and Gale to the station where these speedy cars have carried on many occasions. "_ When I look up I see Gale and Delly both gripping my arms, smiling and ready to drag me off to my next stop. They refuse to answer any questions about anything that is going on. Birthday? Anniversary? There must be some special occasion Peeta clearly remembers that my brain can't seem to grasp. I wrack my brain but nothing seems to come around. Therefore I decide to quiet my mouth and follow my eager friends.

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**I got this one up as fast as I could! I hope you guys enjoy it and are starting to understand my little scavenger hunt idea! HOWEVER I have some news. I found out today I will be going on my school camping trip this Monday-Friday therefore I may not be able to post everything as fast as I wanted. But I will try to get as much up before I leave! ALSO, its sort of sad, but this story if defiantly coming to an end. BUT NO FEAR I will hopefully be starting a new FanFic and am open to all of your ideas! PLEASE COMMENT AND LET ME KNOW! also huge shout out to my amazing Beta3**


	24. entry21- part3

The train cars speed off before my eyes as we stand in front of the tracks. I am again roaming my eyes around the scenery to locate Peeta, but not surprisingly I can't find him. Finally Delly and Gale grab my shoulders and begin to turn me around. My face lights up due to the two people standing before me.

Annie is smiling while holding the hand of Finn who is now a rambunctious toddler. I stand there for a moment with my hands over my mouth taking it all in. Annie looks happy and content. I never thought she would make it this far after Finnicks death. I have seen her multiple times before this, but I have always worried about the emotional state she was in. I know Annie had such a difficult life even before Finnick passed, so when he died I feared she would only go down hill. However I feel her son, Finn, has saved her. Before I could think anymore she was hugging me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. When I hug her back she feels strong and healthy and I know in this moment she is content with life. When I look down to little Finn I feel my face becoming warm and my eyes flushing with tears. Everything about this child screams Finnick. The first thing I notice are his beautiful green eyes. They have that brightness inside them that Finnick also had. His hair is a gold sandy blond that sweeps gently over his forehead. Finn also has that beached tan skin tone. He is a perfect image on Finnick. He is still to young to realize how magnificent his father was. He has no idea how much his father did for me, how much be taught me about life and love. When I bend down to become eye to eye with Finn, he gives he an adorable smile. I laugh through my tears because even his actions remind me of Finnick. When I hug his tiny frame, I can feel his arms tighten around my neck; another child safe after the rebellion.

I have also begin to realize what was going on. Peeta was sending me on some sort of scavenger hunt through out the district. Each prize I came across was another loved one. However the point of this game, I still have no idea and no body seems to what to clue me in with any information.

I lose my train of thought when Finn begins pulling on the hem of my skirt. When I look down at him he is holding my 4th white note card. I take it from his tiny hands and begin reading the familiar hand writing._ "I hope your enjoying my little scavenger hunt, now take Delly, Gale, Annie and Finn, and stand in the center of the District. Love always, Peeta."_ And just like that, we were off once again.

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**I am writing as fast as I can to get these up for you guys. However this will be the last one up until Friday :( Im sorry don't panic! I will make it up to you all! The ending of this story is near! So remember I am taking ideas for my next fanfic :) Thank you all for your support and I always look forward to seeing your comments :) HUGE THANK YOU TO MY BETA!**


	25. Entry21- part4

It was hard for me to be standing there. It looks so different, but under the new road, buildings and a memorial, sits so many memories. This is the place where for 75 years, children found out there fate. Where two victims where sent to fight for their lives, and eventually 71 of them where lost. This was the place where Prim's name was first called, where I volunteered, where Peeta volunteered. I try to avoid this part of town, but for Peeta has sent me here. Today however it seems almost empty. As I look around I see a door from one of the buddings begin to open. Out walks a blonde haired women with tight ringlets. She has on a bright pink knee length dress and a pair of white flats. I stared at her because she is holding a white note card so I know she is part of the scavenger hunt, but I can't seem to recognize her face. It seems familiar yet so different. She is extremely stunning that it surprises me I can't seem to put a name to the face.

As she stepped closer it hit me. This was Effie; the real Effie. She was not wearing a corset, wig, extreme makeup or any of the usual Effie attire. She looks so much younger. I could feel my mouth drop open as this clicks in my mind. As she came face to face with me and placed her hand on my chin and gently closed my mouth. "Manners" she reminds me. Yes, defiantly Effie. I hugged her as she embraced me against her body. I have received so many hugs today and I still do not even know why. However I have came to realize asking would not get me very far, so I chose to embrace each surprise Peeta had waiting for me.

Over her shoulder I watched as another door opened. Out walked Haymitch, with a rare smile on his face. When he reached us he placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a bouquet of orange flowers. We stand there together, the old team minus Peeta. However the orange flowers adds as his presence. Today we are all smiling but we have stood hear many times before under very different circumstances.

Effie begins to hand me yet another note card. "_I know it's hard sometimes, but these memories have shaped us. I'm not far now. Take Dally, Gale, Annie, Finn, Effie and Haymitch and you'll find me in that place surrounded by the rest of our loved ones. Love Always, Peeta."_ I looked at the group I am standing before, they all had a vibrant smile on their faces, they grabbed my hands and we sprinted for the garden.

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**We are not far from the end now guys! I am actually kind of sad that the end is near. However I am thinking of doing Katniss' pregnancy journal so let me know what you think! :D THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT!**


	26. Entry21- part5

I remember feeling calm yet nervous for some reason as we rounded the corner to our home. The sun was shinning and there was no cloud in the sky. I had a crowd of so many people that love and care for me standing behind me. The only thing was, I had no clue why. All I knew is that I so disparately wanted to find Peeta. It was Sunday, the day we are supposed to spend together, and he had sent me on a mysterious scavenger hunt. However I found a common theme with the hunt. On every stop I came across, new memories would come back into my mind. Some good, some bad; but in the end I became surrounded by loved ones. Peeta had told me to go to the place where I would be surrounded by the remainder of our loved ones, and I knew exactly where I was headed. My garden holds the memories of all of the people we have loved, yet lost.

As we reached the front of our home, the crowd of loved ones behind me came to a halt. As I turned around to face them, they are smiling. I looked to Gale and he told me to keep walking. So I obeyed what he tells me and I walked up the path in front of our home. The flowers seemed brighter that day, taller and as beautiful as ever. The sun hit them in the most perfect spots. And that is when I spotted him. His hair slicked back perfectly, and he is wearing a light blue dress shirt that is tucked into his khaki pants. He is sitting on the bench located at the side of our garden, enveloped by our loved ones. When he saw me he stands, and the smile on his face makes me run to him. He seemed so joyful and eager to see me that I can not even find words to describe his face. I noticed his blue eyes were a little glossy and when he took my hands, I felt they were slightly clammy. He sat me down in the sunshine on the same bench he was originally sitting on; he never let go of my hands. I remember wondering to myself, why he seemed so excited yet so nervous. I smile at him as he swept the hair from my face. I begin to ask him what in the world was going on when he started to interrupt me. And this was another one of those times, where I remember every word he said. (And it also helped, that Peeta writes everything down.)

_"For a long time, I thought about how I would do this. I wondered if it would be small and quite or an elaborate celebration. But then I thought, what better way, then to be surrounded by all the people we love; the ones who have gotten us to this point. I always imaged myself loving you. However never in my wildest dreams could I have ever imaged my love for you to be this passionate and strong. And even crazier, I never imaged you would love me in the same ways. My life is worth living because of you Katniss. Every horror and nightmare I have faced was worth it because of you. I love you with everything I have, and I want to spend every moment of the rest of my life, with you."_

And with that I began breathing harder and my hands began to shake. I never thought much about how my proposal would look like because I never envisioned myself getting married. I don't think my mind could create a more perfect moment. Peeta began to stand and I was preparing for him to get down on one knee, however that did not happen. Instead he reached into his back pocket and pulled out, nothing other, then a white note card. I exhaled and take it from his hand. I am confused and upset that I could have possibly misjudged this moment. My eyes scanned the card and I began to read, _" I'll love you always Katniss, will you marry me?"_

I drop the card and bring my hands over my mouth. Of course I really shouldn't be surprised, its Peeta Mellark after all. When I look up to him, he has already gotten down on his knee before my eyes. In his shaky hands holds a gold woven band with tiny diamonds intertwined in it. There is a larger stone on the very top. It is perfect, not to flashy and not to plain. Tears flow from my eyes and I gather up the energy to speak. "Yes!" I announced as I jumped into his arms. He embraced me and spun me in his arms. I almost forgot the crowd I came here with, who were now clapping and hollering from the front of the yard. I kiss Peeta for the first time all day. This is the first kiss I have for my future husband. I can't help but smile while kissing him. I tell him how much I love him while we are still tangled in each others arms.

Peeta put his mouth by my ear and began to whisper. "Your going to be my wife? Real or not Real? I sigh at this oh so familiar phrase. And of course, I tell him "Real".

THE END

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**OMMMG THE EMOTIONS! I can not believe we are done! (epilogue still to come) Thank you guys for the support you have given me throughout this whole journey of me creating my first FanFic! Seeing all you comments was my favourite3 I really hope you guys enjoyed Diary of a MockingJay! Thank you to my Betas who helped along the way. PLEASE INFORM ME OF YOUR THOUGHTS ON ME CREATING A EVERLARK PREGNANCY JOURNAL? I hope to be back with a new story soon enough. Again HUGE thank you to all my loyal readers, thank you for your kind words and for reading each and every entry! I know this story, being my first, was not perfect, but I loved making for you all! Thanks x10000003**


	27. epilogue

**Epilogue **

The sun shines through the open window and I smile knowing he is next to me; every morning for the rest of our lives. It has been almost fourteen years since the day I said I do. I love Peeta even more now then I did that day. He has taught me so much about life and love. He is one of the main reasons I am happy. I would be lying however if I said everything was rainbows and sunshine. I have my bad days were it seems like the world is a big black hole. Nothing can get me to leave my bed when all I want to do is escape from everything. Peeta still has those days where the hijacking takes over his mind. His eyes go dark and I fear that I am losing him. But he _always_ comes back to me. We take care of each other. I also know however, deep down inside, Peeta is not complete. He tries in subtle ways to remind me of his desire to have children. He wants them so desperately that it hurts me to deny him of this. Yet recently I have felt like something inside me is changing. Through Peetas love and encouragement, I began to feel my own desire to bring a child into this world. I want to fulfill this longing he is searching for. My heart is telling me that with Peeta by my side, I know we can do this. But my brain still tells me otherwise.

Lately I find myself staring at him, envisioning the tiny face that would resemble him or I. Would it have Peetas blue eyes or my grey eyes. Blonde hair or dark hair? How would our children look? How would they act? How would they speak? These are the questions that have been lurking in my mind. They make me curious and almost excited to find out the answers.

On that night when I lie on Peeta's chest with his fingers tangled in my hair, I tell him. I tell that my desires seem to be matching his. After so many years I finally think I may be ready to bare his children. His face when I speak, brings tears flooding in my eyes. He a mix of laughter and tears aswell. The smile on his face is so bright, and for once, he can't seem to find the words to say. He kisses me deeply. I can feel the relief and thankfulness radiating off of him as he begins to intertwine his body with mine.

So now, on the night after everything had occur, I stare at my sleeping husband and brush the hair from his face. I breath in knowing I am prepared for a child inside of me. I know whenever the time is right, we will bring beautiful children into this world. With this man by my side there is not much we can't do.

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**Well everyone, that's it for this one. Thank you for your comments, support, and continuous reading. But if you are sad this one is over, no need to fret. This summer, I am excited to announce that I will be releasing the sequel to Diary of a Mockingjay. It will be Katniss' journal with her experiences throughout her and Peeta's first pregnancy. Any and all ideas are welcome! I am not sure about the name yet or the exact release date. So for updates, please follow my twitter account- TributeGirlEmma .Also feel free to message me any questions on here! Thank you all again! And see you this SUMMER! :)**


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